Look at the nipple on that thing!

What is this (you might ask)?


Why it's a special needs bottle. You know the kind for kids with cleft palates, or other feeding issues (AKA the only bottle my daughter will drink from). You may recall my story regarding breast feeding issues and our experience with the Children's Hospital NICU. This is where The Chub Muffin was first introduced to the Haberman bottle. She was having some issues with eating at the time. I wasn't successful getting her to breastfeed and a regular bottle nipple had a flow that was just a little too fast for her. This was all fine and good at the time, knowing that there were special circumstances and she would eventually have the "suck, swallow, breath" coordination down.

After a few weeks, she had it down pat. No need for that weird looking bottle anymore... right? WRONG! The Chubs refuses to eat from any other nipple now. She's gotten so used to the shape and flow that she's a nipple snob. And the best part (other than the fact that we get strange looks everywhere we go), is that this "special" bottle costs a whopping $30. To purchase ONLY the nipple without the extra parts is a whopping $17! So until we can convince her that long nipples aren't the shiz, and that "big girls" use normal looking nipples (that still never look anything like the real thing, but you know), we're stuck with the weird glances and shocking statements like "WOAH, look at that nipple!"

I just used the word "nipple" 8 times. Time to wash my mouth out with soap.

"Where everybody knows your...(boobs)"

When we were at Children's Hospital after The Chubs was born, I felt like my boobs were on display for everyone to see at ALL times. Between attempts to breastfeed and pumping, I rarely had a shirt on. It's embarrassing but also amusing at the same time when you go down to the Cafeteria and frequently run into people who have seen your boobs. "Oh, there's the neurologist whose seen my boobs", "Oh there's the dermatologist. Yep, also seen my boobs", "Oh and there's that random Asian dude that popped his head over our divider (3 times, no less) while I was pumping to grab the nurse."

As I've stated before, I'm a pretty modest person so this definitely stretched me beyond my comfort level, however by the end of our stay there I probably could've walked the entire hospital topless and not noticed. Once we got home though, I fell back into modest mode.

While we were at Children's we became very close with a nurse there. She signed up to become our primary nurse and was absolutely wonderful. I love her to death. Today I met her for lunch. She wanted to catch up and see The Chubs now that she is almost 4 months old. Prior to our meeting I realized that she has seen my boobs far more than any of my girlfriends. This was a little awkward for me. I felt like I needed to preface our lunch date with "Don't worry, I'll have a shirt on!!!" but I have a feeling that would make things even more weird.

Midway through our lunch I was feeling good, thinking to myself how silly it was that I would even think she'd remember my boobs at all. She's a medical professional for heavens sake! She sees this type of thing all the time. And then she made this comment: "I went to shop for nursing bras the other day and thought of you.." (well, that's sweet...) (Oh, and she's pregnant right now by the way...) "I remember you telling me that you went up (x amount of) cup sizes during pregnancy/after birth." (... where is this leading?) "I don't think I've ever met such a little person with such big boobs."

Ok, worst fear realized. She DOES remember. But at least she's not the Simon Cowell of boobs ("Those things are absolutely hideous.") In which case I would have to run away crying and hugging my chest to avoid whiplash in the eye.