"Mourning" Nap

Ok so it's becoming more and more evident that The Chubs is about ready to drop her morning nap. Very seldom does she sleep for it any more. She often just rolls around and babbles. I think she does get some rest that way and it takes the edge off of her AM crankiness but it's about time to drop it, I fear.

I'm already mourning the loss of that time in the morning to myself. Not that it was ever really that peaceful hearing her talk up a storm on the monitor, but it at least gave me the chance to get a few things done if I needed to, and have breakfast etc.

On the other hand it will give me more freedom in my schedule. Once she completely drops it, I can start doing some things that I've wanted to do for a long time. There's a MOPS group at our church that has always been right smack dab in the middle of her morning nap time. Once her nap is gone, that will become a non-issue. It will also give our family more time to do things on the weekends. If we decide we want to go to the zoo, or the aquarium, we will have a nice chunk in the morning to do so. If we fly somewhere, we can schedule our flights in the morning so we get to our destination in time for her to take her afternoon nap. In the past flight planning has always been tricky and usually we end up with an overtired, fussy child by the end of the day. So really, there are pros and cons to this. And I'm hopeful that now that she will be down to one nap, it will be a nice and long one. But I'm not holding my breath!

The number 2

Ever since Lexi's first birthday, I have been flooded with inquiries as to when we'll have our second. I realize this is a common question (at least I assume it is) and that they are all well-meaning inquiries. But can anyone really predict something like that? (Oh, wait I guess there ARE people who can. They are not people I wish to have these conversations with.) However, with these questions I can't help but still feel that sting. The sting that came with every "When are you guys going to start having kids?" that we got during our stint of infertility. Not everyone knew what we were going through at the time so the comments were innocent, purely conversational (most of the time) or to satisfy the curiosity of wide eyed new parents that wanted us to join their little "club".

This time around, it is easier. I have the child I had always hoped for and I feel so grateful to finally be called "mom". There are so many wonderful people in this world that would make amazing parents that are on a very rocky road to get there and not for a second do I take for granted that God blessed me with this miracle. I have even come to terms with the idea of having just one child, knowing that if that is the case, it is enough. Lexi IS enough. She is a wonderful, perfect creation that I am beyond blessed to have as my daughter. I can picture us in the future with just her, enjoying life and getting to give her our full attention. And frankly right now, I think she may be all I can handle for the time being. Her extra needs keep me busy and I like knowing that I can spend all of my time working with her and helping her reach her full potential through therapy.

Now let me clarify. I desperately want another child. Maybe not now, but definitely in the future. And does it scare me to death that that may never happen? Of course! But what scares me more is the emotional side of it. As I stated before, I know we could be a very happy family, just the 3 of us. There is no doubt in my mind. But when the time rolls around for us to try to make things happen, I just don't want to deal with all the emotional garbage attached to it. I don't miss the days of crying over my period, or over another baby announcement. I don't miss them AT ALL. And it has been so refreshing feeling a contentedness in that part of my life for the time being. But I feel it creeping back into my life slowly and stealthily. It's one of those things where I didn't really know it was there, but as time goes on and Lexi gets older, it's making it's way back into my soul.

And to explain this just a bit further, there has been hardly any use of any sort of BC for us since Lexi was about 2 months old. I refuse to count any of this (ahem .. 10.5 months) because it might launch me into panic mode. It's not a LONG time since we aren't "trying" right? And really, it's not a long time if you compare it to our original stint of infertility OR to many other of my dear friends who have gone years and years without achieving their FIRST pregnancy. So I need to put on my big girl panties and buck up. I think there will always be that scar though. The one that you have on your heart from the first experience that led you to believe that it was hopeless. Granted, there was a happy ending and we have The Chub Muffin to show for it so the scar shouldn't be that deep, right? Maybe it shouldn't, but it is.

And that folks, is why the number 2 is a touchy subject for me right now.

GI Follow Up

Today we had our GI follow up. I was in glum spirits on our way there because for the last week, The Chubs has refused solids fairly consistently. She has also been puking and gagging more, and just overall seems uncomfortable. I was expecting bad news, and a talk from the GI saying how her weight gain was less than ideal and blah blah blah. I feel the need to restate that I love her GI, he is amazing, but it is what it is. If she doesn't gain well, we have to have "the talk". You know the one that goes like this:

GI: Well her gain is less than we had hoped for
Me: I know, it's never enough
GI: We really need her to be on the growth chart
Me: Yes, I know that's what you want.
GI: She needs to eat more
Me: Yep, totally know this already. Doing the best I can.
GI: Try feeding her more
Me: ... I can't even respond to that. I may end up hurling you across the room.
GI: See you in a month. She better be on the charts by then or ELSE!!!
(dun, dun, duuuuuun)

Fortunately our conversation was more like this:

GI: She's doing great! Last time she was 3 notches from the curve, now she's only 1.
Me: Awesome!
GI: She's also on the growth chart for height now at the 10th percentile
Me: Sweet Johosaphat!
GI: Keep doing what you're doing and we'll see you back in 3 months.
Me: (Cartwheeling across the office with a couple of handsprings in the mix)

So here are her current states at 12.5 months:
- 15 lb. 12.5 oz
- 28" long
- woot woot!

Oh and her head circumference is something like the 15th percentile. Hot dang that's a big head. But I suppose she needs all that room for her smart brain.

Fun Times

I admit that I am guilty of often posting the negatives regarding The Chubs' refusal of food, or her development delays etc. Sometimes they can really get me down or overwhelm me and writing things out is often therapeutic for me. But I also realize that just as therapeutic as it is for me to write down my fears/worries/stresses, it is just as, if not more, beneficial for me to focus on all the great things that she is doing instead of dwelling on the progress she still needs to make.

Regardless of the feeding struggle and concerns about her gross motor skills (or what have you), this is an extremely fun time. The Chubs has become so interactive and is starting to communicate so much more. It's fun to see things "click" in her head as she figures out this big world. The most fun/exciting developments of late are these:

Without demonstrating it for her, she will do the following if we say these words:

• Clap
• Wave
• Blow a Kiss (Instead of putting her hand over her own mouth she puts it over mine and lifts it off. It's adorable)
• Where's my nose? (She'll grab the nose of whoever says this)
• Where's Daddy (or Mommy) in a picture (Will point or put her hand on our faces)
• Where's the ball? (She will grab the ball or stare at it)
• High Five
• Where's Baby? (There's a doll in her room that my mom made that whenever I say this she'll look at it and want to touch the doll's face)
  

She will also sign "milk" when I say "Do you want your baba (bottle)?"
She's started to try to sign "more", although it looks more like a clap since it's a similar motion. Today I tried showing her the sign for "Book" and "I love you" and she was trying really hard to do it.

She has started to seemingly intentionally call me mama. This mostly happens when I pick her up. She will look at me and go "mama". It's so cute.

So although she is still not doing several things, I'm choosing to focus on all the things that she is doing. It's fun to see her grow up and turn into a tiny little person. I'm so excited for this new year and all it has to offer.