A Mother's Reflections

Dear Lexi,

Having you as my daughter has been the most amazing gift I could have ever received. You were not an after thought, or a mistake. You were deeply wanted and anticipated for years. I used to sit and think about what our child might look like, what little personality they would possess, who they would most take after, and so on. You came into our world and knocked our socks off in every single area. Never in my life would I have dreamed that my daughter would be as amazing as you.

I still remember that day in the hospital when everyone was rushing around preparing for your arrival. The warming lamp snapped on over your bed, and I felt the most anticipation I have ever felt in my life. You were coming and you would be there very soon. I couldn't wait to hold you and finally answer so many questions in my head about who you would be. Then you arrived and as they placed you on my belly, I looked down into your blue eyes staring right back at me and instantly I fell in love. Nothing could ever be so amazingly perfect.

It's hard to fully explain how much you have changed me for the better, and how much you continue to teach me on a daily basis. We have been through so many ups and downs together and have formed a bond that is unmatched. The love I have for you could never be described with words.

Although our journey together has had it's share of obstacles, I am so proud of you for continually overcoming them. Nothing has come easily for you from the day you entered this world, and to see you press onward and meet every single challenge in your own time has me bursting with pride.

When you smile at me, or snuggle against my chest, I want to freeze time. Soon, I know you will be graduating high school, going to college and eventually marry some guy that hopefully measures up to your daddy. Until then, I will hold you close to me and savor these sweet moments we have together, knowing there are many more to come.

I love you very much Bug,
Mom

8 Months (2 weeks late)

Life has been a whirlwind lately, but I need to post these developments (or lack of) so I don't forget down the line.

At 8 Months The Chubs:

• Is still 1st percentile for weight
• Still battles with severe reflux and frequent vomitting
• Does not tolerate solids and has many oral aversions
• Doesn't eat much. 20 oz is a good day for us around here
• Has her bottles concentrated at 24cal/oz
  
• Qualified for Early Intervention to help her fine motor skills and feeding issues
• Sleeps well at night, but we have to wake her every 3 hours to feed her to get enough calories in her.
• Had her first camping trip (a story all in itself)
• Loves her jumparoo
• Favorite play things are her hands and feet, but she also likes pens, rings, and spoons (not for eating with though)
• Likes to sleep on her left side
• Has been sitting since 6 months unassisted
  
• May be teething, but who the heck knows anymore!
• Naps fairly poorly due to her reflux and possible teething
• Still loves people and is overall a very happy child considering everything that is going on
• May need a feeding tube/surgery if we can't get her to gain weight without it
• Loves to say "bababa" and blow raspberries
• Says "ma" or "mama" when she's tired/cranky (go figure!)
• Does not seem interested in crawling at all
• Still loves standing, and tolerates tummy time. If she's not in her boppy, she'll just flip right over immediately

Letter to The Chubs:

Little Chubadoo,

It has been a rough road to get to where we are today. It started out with an IUGR diagnosis when I was pregnant. Mom's placenta was pooping out and not nourishing you the way that it should. When you came, I was so relieved that you were ok. You were perfect, healthy, and the most amazing thing I'd ever laid eyes on. 24 hours later, my world turned around when you were admitted to Children's Hospital. Doctors feared the worst. Suspicions of a stroke, meningitis, herpes, seizures, and a whole host of other terrible things loomed among us. It was the worst day of my life.

Once you were discharged and everything looked good, I was so thankful to have you home with us. I finally felt like you were truly ours. Nurses and Doctors no longer hovered around you, taking care of your needs. Finally it was my turn to be your mom, and to give you the care you needed.

As the months went by, we realized you had severe reflux. It has been a battle every single day. We have good days and hard days. Admittedly, most of them lately have been hard. But one thing that is not hard, is loving you. You bring so much joy to my life, even amidst all the anxiety, fears, and frustrations. Your smile, sweet spirit, and determination help me make it through even the roughest of days.

I love you so much, and will do anything to provide the very best for you. Even if that means getting no sleep. Even if that means wearing a puke stained bra for several days. Even if that means going through the emotional heartache of surgery. You are my favorite girl, and I wouldn't want anyone else.

Love you,
Mom