Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I'm hijacking this from another blog that I read because it is beautifully written. Although the road to motherhood and the journey thereafter have been difficult, I thank God for the precious gift that he has given me in Lexi. I can only hope that one day in the future He will be gracious enough to entrust another little heart into our care, but if he doesn't, I am thankful for the experience of motherhood, and the chance to love and care for our precious miracle.

"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.Yes, I will be a wonderful mother." - Unknown


  1. Ellie! So glad to see you post. I've missed you!

    I've seen that essay somewhere before & it's so beautiful. I think I will copy & paste that so I can save it this time. Thanks for posting it.

  2. I love this! So perfect! May I hijack this also?

  3. I remember posting that while pregnant. Thanks for giving me an opportunity to reread it! How is Lil' Lexi? I want an update! :)

  4. Beautiful hijacking! So very touching and applicable to so many situations in life. And it looks like you are doing your own healthy soul searching in processing your journey as a mother. Your journey will be both the same and different of that of other mothers. I am happy to see you are finding the strength to accept and thrive with the challenges you face as a parent. Keep being strong! Keep being the wonderful mother that you are!

  5. Exactly what I was thinking, but didn't have words to communicate it so perfectly! So very thankful for the "special vision" we have to appreciate and marvel at each step of this wonderful journey. You are, and will be a wonderful mother! Love you!

  6. I'm bawling! At work! I'd like to copy and paste this too. I hope you don't mind. It's beautiful and says exactly what my heart wants to say.