Monday, May 10, 2010

This one goes out to all the ladies

Yesterday was my first official Mother's Day. I used to dream about what it might be like to finally be part of the "club". The club that I so desperately wanted to join for such a long time. The initiation into this club was just out of reach. I knew so many people that had crossed over to the other side with ease and had been accepted immediately. I, however, stood in the shadows unable to bridge the gap because of what I was lacking... a child.

So this Mother's Day, although wonderful (my husband went above and BEYOND), it was also a day I thought much about all the women who want to be mothers and can't, or haven't yet become one.

Something I've always been frustrated about is the difficulty meeting other couples at our church if you don't have kids. For years my husband and I attended church without the ability to make close connections with other couples. We were lacking the key element. Our best guess was that most people our age don't really attend church unless they have children. My husband was able to bond with other men that were fathers fairly easily. However, as a woman it seems like you need to be in the exact same life spot to form a close connection.

Yesterday I met "me" two years ago. I was in the hall grabbing a donut. (You all know how much I love those) and our pastor (who is incredibly friendly and awesome btw) pulled me aside and introduced me to a younger couple. We had The Chubs dedicated yesterday (I'll have another post simply on that later) so I asked her if she was having a child dedicated as well, thinking that may have been the reason our pastor introduced us. She told me they didn't have children yet. This got the wheels turning in my head. I told her how my husband and I would love to have them over for dinner sometime, especially since we know how hard it is to meet people when you don't have kids. Then I decided to just mention briefly our history about how we went through infertility. Then she pointed at herself, motioning that they were smack dab in the midst of it. So I had just met this girl 5 minutes ago and I immediately hugged her. Then we both got teary eyed. I told her I knew how hard it was to be at church on Mother's Day, wanting so badly to be a mother but have no control over it. She then told me about how she miscarried and hasn't been able to get pregnant since. We talked for awhile, exchanged phone numbers and decided we'll definitely have to get together very soon.

As we stood up on the stage to dedicate The Chub Muffin, I wondered how many other women were out there that were in so much pain, sitting in the crowd looking up at us and wondering "Why her, and not me?", a thought I had many many times. I wanted to let them all know "This didn't come easy, and I know your pain."

So for all the women that want to be mothers and can't, or haven't yet, you deserve recognition on this day. You have the heart of a mother and the love of a mother. You've been through trials, pain, heartache and you are much stronger for it. And when you do become a mother someday, your children will be so incredibly blessed. I love you all.


  1. That is so wonderful that your pastor introduced you to the couple going through infertility. I'm sure it meant a lot to her to hear your story, especially on Mother's Day. I completely agree with you about how difficult it is to connect with other women when you don't have children and they do (and especially if you're going through infertility). It really does feel like it's this exclusive little club that you haven't been invited into and it sucks. Big time. Anyway, that story made me smile & I hope you get together with that couple again soon.

    Also, Happy 1st Mother's Day!! xoxo

  2. Happy First Mothers Day to you. You are so right about how hard it is to "fit in" when you don't have a child.

  3. Great post! Lots of great ideas. Thanks for taking the time to post these kind of ideas.

  4. I cried when I read your post.