All about poop

I never knew that once I brought a baby into this world that my life would somewhat revolve around excrement. Let's start with labor itself. I heard many women freak out about the possibility that they might poop while giving birth. To me, this wasn't a big deal. I'm a fairly modest person so I planned all along to simply have my husband and other medical professionals in the room when I popped our first child out. What was the big deal? It's nothing the doctors haven't seen before, and if my husband was brave enough to see me crown, he was surely brave enough to watch a little poo slide out. Because I had an epidural, I had no sensation or indication of whether I had pooped during labor. In fact in the midst of pushing that is pretty much the last thing on your mind (at least it was for me). After bringing Senorita Chub Chubs into the world (and throwing up a few times post labor) it finally occurred to me to ask my husband if I had pooped. Being the sweet man that he is, he replied "just a little bit". I don't know whether that was the truth or not. All of a sudden a feeling I didn't expect to feel overwhelmed me... utter embarrassment. My handsome, dashing husband had watched me poop! It finally sunk in and I finally "got" why women feared this.

I wasn't the only one pooping. Senorita Chub Chubs pooped immediately when she was set on my chest. Her first order of business entering the world (made her daddy proud). She didn't stop there. When the nurse came to give her her first bath, she had a continuous flow of poop that just wouldn't stop coming. I think the nurse was secretly annoyed since she had to keep stopping to wipe those cute little bebuns.

Fast forward to Children's Hospital and a jaundice little baby girl. Because she was doped up on anti-seizure medication, it was incredibly hard to get Senorita Chub Chubs to stay awake and alert enough to eat. I had many lactation consultants hovering over me, we even brought in an occupational therapist to try the bottle with her. Nothing seemed to be working and since this medication had a half life of 6 days, the critical first several days that most women have to work on breast feeding basically went to waste as my little girl was fed through an IV and core pack.

For a day or two she vegged out under the bilirubin lights with her stylish shades. And then a monumental day came. I heard a squirt and an explosion of gas. When I went to change her diaper there was the most beautiful glob of black tar I had ever seen. "She pooped!" I exclaimed in a far too excited tone. But in the back of my mind there was still something looming over me. I had not pooped yet. It was something I was dreading, considering I could barely sit down without letting out a small cry. Later that day I spent 45 minutes on the toilet hoping it would magically pop out. Hey, I had been able to push a 5 lb. baby out in a matter of minutes, why couldn't I squeeze a much smaller mass out just as quickly (if not quicker)? With many tears, grunts and "why me, oh God"s I finally did it. My daughter and I had our first poops since the hospital on the same day. It was a good day.

My daily obsession lately (well, I should say ONE of my many), is the color of my daughter's poop. My husband hears about this far too much because I think I make a comment about it each time I change her diaper. If it's green, I freak out. Why? Because I have done some very educated research through Dr. Google as to what this means. I have come to a few conclusions. A) Our daughter quite possibly and probably has a milk protein allergy and B) my breast milk doesn't not have an adequate balance of foremilk and hindmilk.

How do I have a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance if I'm exclusively pumping you say? Well, I'm not sure. Recently I've tried pumping longer to get out as much hindmilk as possible. However, I just changed her diaper and yep... still green! I also have not had any cows milk for weeks now. I'm contemplating trying to go without dairy all together and see if that helps. If you ask my husband he would say I just need to listen to our pediatrician who says there is nothing wrong with a breastfed baby having some green poop because it simply means it didn't hang out in the bowels as long. Sound advice, right? And considering I'm known by my husband as "lightning bowels" (I'll get into that later), it would make sense that my daughter would also have this "condition". I wish I was the type of person that could just accept that, however I tend to be a "fix-it" type of gal. I wish someone had just written an owners manual for Senorita Chub Chubs so I could reference it when her naps are cut short, she projectile vomits all over her clothes or she fusses for no apparent reason. And the common words of wisdom that "every baby is different" is absolutely no help at all. (If you haven't noticed I love using quotation marks)

Bet you haven't read this much about poo, well EVER. Hope it didn't stink too much.